My Gut
My gut
Soft and young
Took the brunt
Of my hatred
For being made
A woman
At 8
I tried to grab, punch
Tear her away
But she
Never the monster
I took her for
he, he, HE!
Was the the monster
Years of apologies
Amends
Repair
I began to love her
Unbidden
And then
I let him hold her
Too soon
He touched another
She tried to warn
I felt the knots
The churning
I behaved wild
An animal
Tainted spear
Through my gut
Thrashing and lashing
She knew
She knew
She knew
Long before I did
And finally when
I felt it
That night
She cramped and expelled
All the rot that she held
Empty, hungry for war
But my grief
Starved her more
She got small
Spurned
Vulnerable again
My hatred returned
But somehow within
That same year
I started to heed
Her tiny churning
To feed
I followed
The subtle grumbles
However reluctant
I walked away
When she warned
From moments and men
Now we both grow, again
Safe and nourished
Soft and free
I fill her up
Hold her dear
I feel her movements
She guides
I follow
We thrive
Alone
I learn
Fully
How to love Her
Myself
-me
sometimesihatemycat 