Does it hover around everything we do?  I am reminded this morning, by my daughter, that perhaps even when we feel a deep connection with others our ego is still involved.  I must admit that I feel the deepest love towards my daughter when she displays a similar personality to my own.  Is that because I understand her in that moment, or is it because some biological drive to reproduce myself is being briefly satiated?  Does that even matter?

I feel a tiny bit like Pheobe and her football phone (those of you who watched Friends will know what I am referring to.)  Is there ever a truly selfless act?  If not, does that necessarily have to be a moral judgment. Maybe it is perfectly fine to be aware that with every compassionate interaction, we too are getting something out of it. And maybe that is what propels altruism forward.

Something meditation has done for me is make me much more aware of the inner workings of my mind, like it or not.  It is a bit of a “Pandora’s box.”  Then the question becomes, “How much of it do I want or need to change?”  I think that perhaps being aware is a huge thing, maybe even bigger than the changing.  I like the idea that I can work much better with what I’ve got, if I know what’s there to begin with.  Believe it or not, this compassion for my own human nature starts to extend toward other people.  I can look people in the eye, wherever they are and feel like I can relate to their human struggle.  If I can relate, then perhaps I can connect.  And, there I am circled back to my original question.  Why do we long for connection?  Is it for others, or for ourselves?  And in the end…does that really matter?

~ by April on May 16, 2012.

2 Responses to “Ego”

  1. I ask myself the same questions every day, and wouldn’t life be easier if we knew? We all thrive on connections in one way or another and for me, finding the ones that matter and make a difference is what life’s journey is all about.

    • Thanks for commenting! I agree, it seems that connections are kind of what gets us through. Sometimes I wonder if knowing and being honest about where the connections come from, and what we get from them, has to necessarily diminish their worth. I think maybe not. I would like to think that being honest about our human nature is just one step towards having more compassion for ourselves, and valuing those connections even more. Thanks again.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: