But, I don’t want to!

My mind screams and whines, not unlike my 6 year old.

The tantrum may not be visible to others, but it is just as loud in my head,

And just as persuasive.

“I don’t want to be still!”

“You can’t make me!”

Pay attention to the storm or suffer the consequences.

 

But just like my child,

If I wait long enough my will releases, and submission arrives with a sigh.

So now what?

 

What am I feeling?

It feels like a tummy ache that travels into my throat.

It feels like a hunger pang, frantic and unnerving.

“Something must be done.

Or I will wither away!”

 

When nothing is done, except for the feeling of it,

It morphs into magnetic trembling in my chest.

Pulling me towards something, anything,

To feed this NOT-WANTING-TO.

I choose not to feed it for half an hour

In the end neither the not-wanting-to nor I have died.

~ by April on June 28, 2012.

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