Expelling Ideas About The Present Moment

“I had plans today,”

groans through my head

as my stomach lurches.

I sit up in the dark

heat from the ceiling vent

heavy and oppressive around me.

Can I make it to the bathroom?

I stand

my stomach aches and warns me

I do not have very long.

The carpet hot and scratchy under my feet

 finally I find the cool smooth bathroom tile

RELIEF.

I kneel

the tile floor is no longer a friend

I grab a towel.

Even in the throes of nausea

I crave comfort

from crunching knees.

I wait for my stomach to react

again, again, again

and I think

“I have no control over this.  I am waiting for my body to have its way with me.”

I take a breath

feel it only slightly on my nostrils

I am distracted again by cramping.

I wonder if I can feel this and not suffer,

“Can I ‘mindfully’ vomit?”

Expel this weighty knot without disgust?

I even ponder my own death

the pain that is bound to accompany it,

                        “This is only a whisper.”

Again my stomach aches, lurches,

 sends me a warning shot,

                        I wait and wonder…

~ by April on October 1, 2012.

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