Expelling Ideas About The Present Moment
“I had plans today,” 
groans through my head
as my stomach lurches.
I sit up in the dark
heat from the ceiling vent
heavy and oppressive around me.
Can I make it to the bathroom?
I stand
my stomach aches and warns me
I do not have very long.
The carpet hot and scratchy under my feet
finally I find the cool smooth bathroom tile
RELIEF.
I kneel
the tile floor is no longer a friend
I grab a towel.
Even in the throes of nausea
I crave comfort
from crunching knees.
I wait for my stomach to react
again, again, again
and I think
“I have no control over this. I am waiting for my body to have its way with me.”
I take a breath
feel it only slightly on my nostrils
I am distracted again by cramping.
I wonder if I can feel this and not suffer,
“Can I ‘mindfully’ vomit?”
Expel this weighty knot without disgust?
I even ponder my own death
the pain that is bound to accompany it,
“This is only a whisper.”
Again my stomach aches, lurches,
sends me a warning shot,
I wait and wonder…
sometimesihatemycat 