Visitation

Tonight as I lay waiting for the early stages of sleep anesthesia

Something else has descended, enveloped, invaded

It has been some time since this sadness has surrounded me

But here she is, affecting even the rhythm of my heartbeat, stumbling

My chest subtly shakes as if sobbing, my eyes momentarily dry and steady

Until tears eventually arrive prickling the edges of my eyelids

“You are not welcome,” I feebly fight while knowing I have no say

Instinctively I find my nostrils, my breath, and make some stale attempt to follow

But tonight even that serves as a tool of distraction, inadequate at best

So I relinquish to her whispered story of certain failure, death, and nothing

As she seeps into my ears, behind my eyes, down my throat, and fills my middle

I stop the struggle and allow her ladened layers to bring me to near suffocation.

Sadness

We do not sleep much tonight,

There is not much else to be done when she visits,

But let her in, just as I let in all the others,

Lay with her awhile until she dissipates with the sun.

~ by April on January 17, 2013.

2 Responses to “Visitation”

  1. And she will

  2. Usually she does. But on some grey and dreary days, she lingers quite a bit, and that’s okay. If I can let in the joy and passion, I must also be able to let in the sadness and nothingness. For me that is what true engagement with life is really all about. Good luck to you in your boredom and weariness, fellow jaded human being. 🙂 Thank you for reading.

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