sometimesihatemycat

My breath,
Two nights ago I sat down
Face to face with you for hours
I did not let myself think of time
I simply felt your arrival
Your departure
And because I did not float away
Or let go of you or become lost
I found a trust I have seldom known
Complete and total, giving over
Without prompt or warning
A voice whispered in my head
Telling me to trust my body
To let the pain that comes
Take care of itself
To let the fictions that fill the space
Show themselves and be gone
And I did, almost without will
I stayed with you
I let the rest of it pass that place
Not because I was told to
But because I chose to
I did not move
And in my stillness
Found affection and perhaps, regret
That we will not always be like this
There will be days, nights
That I forget
And one day you will leave me
My body will remain, for awhile
Cold and empty, slowly breaking down
Left alone, unknown
I do not know if I will miss you then
Or if I will simply be, nothing
But I think perhaps I miss you even now
Because it occurs to me so clearly
That I have lived so long not knowing you
And only just realized
All you have to show, to teach
If only I would find you face to face
My breath,
Today I sat down at the top of the stairs
In a pocket of warm air
And remembered you again
And wept

— A.R.

Roman Statue Affection

~ by April on January 9, 2014.

Posted in Body, Death, Friendship, Identity, Loss, Meditation, Poetry
Tags: Affection, Attention, Body, Breath, Contact, Death, Jhana, Love, meditation, Piti, Samadhi, Sati, Zest