Nothing Poetic

I was raped when I was 8
Over and over
When I should have been safe
There is nothing poetic here
They always call us crazy
They always deny, say we lie
As recent as last year
I was called a stupid “victim”
By a Buddhist thinker
Who called the memory of my rape
And the flashbacks, my illusions
Symptoms that he called my fault
Nothing new, this sanity assault
I know you’d be more comfortable
If I locked it in my body vault
But I will not
My honesty does not mean
I still feel like a victim
It simply relays the truth of
What he did to me when I was,
And he did, and I was 8
And now I fight, and I heal, and it’s real
And I say clearly this is me
Because brutes and blind society
Cannot scare or quiet me
Ever again

— April Resnick

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8 year old me

~ by April on February 4, 2014.

11 Responses to “Nothing Poetic”

  1. This is powerfull stuff, you are a very brave person, hope you continue to speak up.

  2. you break my heart whenever you talk of this – but I will always read it

    • Sorry to break your heart, but not to speak it…for it heals mine. Thank you so much for always reading, when so many look away.

  3. I am so sorry for the cruelty of man

    • Thank you, for always reading…even the difficult ones. Yes, man can be cruel, and beautiful, and both. But, something small is healed with the speaking of it, the hearing of it, the moving forward. Thank you.

  4. (((hugs))) April. Keep healing!!

  5. Where there is violence there are victims.

    • Yes, there are. But now I can choose to feel like one or not. But too often, people think telling your story is wallowing in victim hood. They don’t understand that speaking truth is exactly the opposite. It is taking control back, refusing to let others look away, and hopefully helping others in the process. But some “Buddhist thinkers” would rather say “trauma is illusion” because I suppose that’s easier for them than dealing with fact of child abuse, and its aftermath, and trying to change it. Thanks for reading.

    • Also, I think that telling a survivor that the after effects are illusions is just another high minded way of blaming the victim and calling us crazy. I am so sick of that.

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