This morning I grabbed my cranky pants,
And put them on before I had a chance.
My brain was blurry,
In my morning hurry,
My only choice now…the cranky pants dance.
Crushed
•June 7, 2012 • Leave a CommentMy daughter sobs
At the murder of a spider
Heaving and uncontrolled
Tears make tracks on her dusty cheeks
Eyes fixed in its direction
I whisper lies of comfort
She solemnly states
“They don’t come back.
They are gone forever.”
Dissolution & Disillusion
•June 6, 2012 • 3 Comments
Have you ever lost someone?
Not to disease, or distance, or death
But to an idea
Where once there was a connection
Of shared pain and life fumbled
Where once the reality of solitary existence
Was willingly disguised for the giddy illusion
“We are not alone”
One mythology now replaced by another
This one a God with whom I cannot compete
A deity who never instilled faith in me
The way our bay window observations once did
There is no constant
This is the illusion that I must release
No God, no friend, no moment lasts forever
Yet still I am here without having been destroyed
Or struck by lightning
Yet
With only a tiny tick of desire burrowing from heart to brain
Looking for a comforting mythology to feed on
With none to be found
Either within myself or without
I am at a loss
Sometimes
•June 5, 2012 • 2 CommentsI make pistols with my pointer fingers
And pretend to shoot laser guns into the air
Sound effects included.
I have one stiff drink
Right in the middle of my day
Because I am an adult and because I can.
I call my dog “booger-face”
As a term of endearment
When he gives me that “don’t bother me” look.
I spin in the middle of my kitchen
On the tile floor
Pretending I am a ballerina until I almost fall.
I smack my head, elbow, hand
On the corner of a wall
That I walk by every damn day of my life.
I am late picking up my child from school
Because I am writing
Instead of paying attention to the time.
Space Junk
•June 5, 2012 • Leave a Comment
A constellation on our cushions
Each the center of our own universe
Held together by the pull of our heavy mass
In a dim light-speckled vacuum of silence
Beauty, grace, and awe indeed to behold
While in it we are bombarded by debris of our own discarding
Legacy
•June 4, 2012 • 3 CommentsI keep feeling the pull to write something for my daughter. I wonder if writing for me IS in fact writing for her. But that does not quite fill the romantic notion that keeps showing up in my brain and that I keep feeling in my gut. The writer, and meditator, in me says to keep doing what I am doing and that is enough. The mother, and perhaps mammal, in me says I must compile some sentimental work of wonder as a legacy for my baby girl. That baby is now a 6-year-old firecracker. And, still I struggle with how to write for her…or even IF I should write for her. Do I just write, or write “for?” That same old question of expectations comes to the surface again.
So here is a compromise and a start:
Amidst the blood and pain
In a flash of a moment
You were trapped
So I was willing to be ripped apart
And there you were
Scarlet cheeked, overwhelmed, and screaming
As you swung your fists on my belly
I shared the terror in your eyes
“tell me about it kid”
Escaped my lips before I could edit
It wasn’t romantic but it was real
“we” were formed
In a pool of human mess and exhaustion
You and I then looked at your father
And We were settled
A Window (Into Me)
•June 4, 2012 • Leave a CommentHow loud do you scream
When it’s not loud enough
To crash walls, un-hinge doors
Or bring help from above
He’s not listening, just watching
Perhaps not really there
All that’s here is the human
Under his weighted stare
When comfort escapes you
None in your own skin
All that’s left is that window
And the light streaming in
I saw you
•June 4, 2012 • 2 CommentsWalking to school today
Arms wrapped around your middle
Shoulders hunched forward
Nausea or pain?
Brow furrowed
Face grimacing
Eyes cast downward
That city bus pulled up to your left
Causing an exaggerated startle
Quick covering of ears
Instant pulling away
You appear hurting
Going through the motions anyway
I saw you
I saw me
Opportunity
•June 3, 2012 • 1 CommentShe shows up when she wants
Much like me
You cannot force her to stay
But dismiss her
At your own peril
Freedom?
I slept in
•June 2, 2012 • Leave a CommentA fog
Of should-have
And to-do
Rolled in
My body
Needing rest
Rocky chores
Did wait
At bay
Until late
Morning’s clearing
sometimesihatemycat 