Investigating

•August 25, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Peeling the nail polish off of my nails

Replacing each toilet paper roll

Garbage or flowers or notions of life

Or death, questioning scriptures of droll

 

Getting a sunburn and sand in the cracks

Washing granules away ‘cause they hurt

Heroes or villains on cardstock with colors

Thoughts drift out, sinking down through the dirt

 

Every day circles back onto itself

Noticing paths in the pasture or not

Swinging at annoyances, flies, gnats, and notions

Knowing the shower will stop being hot

 

Barking at doorbells that aren’t actually there

Wondering when they will finally call

Bladder is filling, so it’s time to get going

Staying here leads to piss on it all

Posted in Humanity, Marriage, Meditation, Motherhood, Poetry

Past Due

•August 19, 2012 • Leave a Comment

I am stuck

Have been calling it writer’s block

Incorrectly ignoring it

Like that stack of mail

Tilting precariously in the corner

It can certainly bankrupt me if left glued shut

Mundane molehill

Blocking the accomplishing of anything else

How many times have I started towards it

Picked it up and imagined tearing in

Then walked away

For fear of the price to be paid

So there it teeters

Gathering weight and momentum

As each day I add another layer of avoidance

Ignorance is not bliss

It holds havoc and wrecks my worth

Fuck the paper cuts and final payments!

FINAL NOTICE:

Your thoughtful addition in permanent marker cannot disguise the forgetting in the first instance…not then, not now.

It was not romantic or charming or silly to be reminded of our place…not then, not now.

Posted in Family, Loss, Poetry

I Notice That

•August 13, 2012 • Leave a Comment

The gum in my mouth has been chewed too long,

It slowly dissolves into little pieces that I accidentally swallow.

 

Ego is over-involved in most of my interactions,

Expectation hovers around everything and invades my patience.

 

Pets do not like sudden movements or sounds,

Or being accidentally stepped on.

 

People do not like sudden movements or  sounds,

Or being accidentally stepped on.

 

Bodies are often involuntary and far from glamorous

Their systems ensure that group meditation is never silent.

 

People walk differently in the rain

They lower their heads to avoid the drops, with or without an umbrella.

 

Our lives revolve around the next possibility of comfort

From gross, from anxiety, from surprise, from mortality, from weather.

Posted in Humanity, Meditation, Poetry

Don’t worry, it’s nothing

•August 8, 2012 • Leave a Comment

None of us are alone

Except that we all are.

There is no connection

without expectation.

No expectation

without disappointment.

No disappointment

without self-pity.

No self-pity

without comparison.

No comparison

without self.

All of us are alone

Except none of us allow it.

Can I allow it?

no connection

no expectation

no disappointment

no self-pity

no comparison

no self

no need…

Posted in Family, Humanity, Loss, Meditation, Poetry, Ramblings & Observations

Summer Slowing

•August 3, 2012 • 6 Comments

The rise and fall of cicadas’ screaming

August breathing

A slower cadence than my own

Reminding me to sit, to sink

Trust the process as it unfolds

Its own schedule knowing

My shoulders can bear the work when it is time.

(for Papa)

Posted in Humanity, Loss, Meditation, Poetry, Whimsy

Cocoon

•July 31, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Of planning

Of list making

Of packing

And re-packing

Of travel

Of wine

Of family

And new friends

And laughing together

Of being a visitor

Of walking

And resting to eat

Of Band-Aids

Of ointment

Of hot showers

Of a quiet city

Of a friendly new dog

Of a boyfriend jacket

On a cool summer evening

Of being driven

Of my own room

Of learning

Of touch

Of being vulnerable

While others are vulnerable too

Of Zazen

Of ritual

Of old buildings

Of schedule

Of fresh vegetables

And eating them on schedule

Of being given work

Of completing work

Of a community

With similar intentions

Of early mornings before sunrise

Of hot coffee

Of silence

Of naps

Of hot showers (still)

Of an early bedtime

And exhaustion bringing sleep

Of rosehip tea

Of fresh bread

Of homemade jam

Of being “disonnected”

Of making new connections

And feeling it when saying goodbye

Of good wine

Of traveling home

Of a good book

Of familiar music

Of stories about shared humanity

Of landing safely

And not being afraid

Of taking a break

Of the break being over

Of home

Of husband

And “I missed you” sex

Of daughter

Of giggling

Of my own bed

Of sleeping in

Of hugging my big pup

While he wags his tail

Of routine

Of gratitude

Of patience

Of my own meditation practice

And newly realized confidence.

Posted in Family, Friendship, Humanity, Meditation, Poetry

I’ve Been Gone…

•July 27, 2012 • 1 Comment

…on a Zen Retreat and was in California for a couple of weeks.  I meant to let everyone know before I left and…well…just didn’t get around to it. So, for anyone who was wondering why all was silent on the blog, that is why.  But I am back now and ready to jump back into daily life and writing.

Posted in Meditation, Ramblings & Observations, Uncategorized

All of It

•July 16, 2012 • 2 Comments

The sour stench of a dead skunk

Rotting in the road

An invisible cloud

That hovers, seeps, and smacks.

 

The warm and pressured wholeness

When my child cuddles

In early morning light

Tiny feet she intertwines with mine.

 

Things that linger carry lessons

Both pushed away and longed for

Can I be still and learn to linger

And breathe it all in deeply?

Posted in Family, Humanity, Loss, Meditation, Motherhood, Poetry

Secret Conversations

•July 12, 2012 • Leave a Comment

Happen regularly

In this empty cell

Prior to consciousness

Often involving

Seeking

Bargains or comfort

With children

“May you be safer than I,

if I can manage it.”

With myself

“May I be absolved

by my daily duties,

keeping the surfaces clean.”

With a God

As I drift

“May you grant

peace or grace,

because

complete belief

is one infraction

I cannot commit.”

Posted in Equal Rights, Family, God, Human Rights, Humanity, Motherhood, Poetry, Women's Rights

Between the Rings

•July 9, 2012 • 1 Comment

Somewhere between striving and desire

There I sit

Or stand

Or flip

Or dance

There is no life without passion

I don’t care what Jesus, or Buddha, or the Pope dictates.

I am devoted to living my life

On that tightrope, in the sweet spot

Balancing and slightly sinking

Between chaos and structure

There you will find me

            Waving my arms just enough

                                    Controlling my quivering guts

Slightly pedaling back and forth

Full of fear, and lust, and life!

There is no other choice now

I am committed…

         …until the law of gravity prevails.

Posted in Dance, God, Humanity, Meditation, Poetry

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