sometimesihatemycat

I was recently asked a question.  What does “human liberation” mean to me?  Well, I am not sure I am quite qualified to answer for all humans…but perhaps by exploring what liberation means for me, other people may find something familiar. Of course there are cultural, and geopolitical implication of this question as well.  Let me be clear, that in this particular rambling I am strictly speaking to my own liberation and not particularly expanding it out that far, although that is a wonderful conversation to be had.  Maybe in another post.

For me, liberation (or the end of “suffering” in some dialogue) comes down to expectations. Is it possible to NOT have them, or at least to turn down the volume of those expectations enough to just live life without paying too much attention to them?  For me, YES!  That is when I feel the most personal freedom.  That is when I feel most engaged with life,and not just the joyful and “happy” parts, but the boring and difficult parts as well.  Expectation naturally brings with it fear and disappointment (what I call suffering.)  As soon as I find myself having an expectation, and paying too much attention to it, counting on it as fact, I pretty soon am hit by the fact that now I have become invested in an outcome that is by no means certain. Enter fear, and soon disappointment. I am also talking about the expectation that a past occurrence can somehow be changed.  For me, letting the past have its say and then letting go of the expectation that it will be any different from what it was, has been quite liberating as well.

If one believes in impermanence, and I must say based on my life experience every freakin’ day I DO, then how can expectations bring anything but suffering?  And I am talking about the little expectations (I will make it to a party tonight) and the big expectations (I will be successful, or I will not make mistakes.)  All of them, if given full weight, become laden with the idea that somehow we are in complete control.  There is no escape from that illusion without discomfort.  The discomfort of realizing that anything can happen at anytime.  End of story.  For me that is an ultimate truth that I can no longer ignore.  And THAT has been liberating for me, or at least there have been moments of liberation.  That liberation feels a bit like just being present with life, not checking out or dissociating, but really dealing with what is in front of me without the extra drama I could be piling on top. Believe it or not less expectation = less drama = more engagement with those around me, where they ARE not where I want them to be.  Just ask my husband, he would quite agree with that assessment.  😉

This blog has been an ultimate test of expectations.  I attempt every single day to just write, without any expectation.  It is the act of writing that has been the goal here, not the expectation of anything coming from it.  Even the goal of writing is quite tested on the days that I simply cannot, due to that crazy “impermanence” thing that happens in life.

So everyday, practically every hour, I am faced with my own expectations about things, big and small.  And I have a choice, buy into them or just let them be.  I do not think that I can necessarily escape my brain, my own human form.  I do not consider THAT to be liberation.  But, for now,  I can pay attention to what my brain is doing, and what expectations I am employing to make myself feel safe.  I can try to let those expectations be, without investing too much in them.  And in those moments that I am able to do that, I find myself just paying attention to what is going on around me.  THAT feels like liberation to me, in my humble experience.  Of course, this said knowing full well that all of that crap may change by this time tomorrow.  🙂

Posted in Meditation, Ramblings & Observations

I have been thinking a lot about intellectual dialogue and argument.  Mainly in the realm of meditation practice.  But I suppose it could extend to almost any area.  While I see that it is extremely valuable, I am also seeing another side of it.  When does intellectual dialogue, and the emphasis on the perfectly formed argument become exclusionary? Is there every really such a thing as perfect argument? Language is so tricky, especially on the blogosphere.  Everyone contributes bringing their own intention, motivations, education, life experience to the table.  But how easy is it to communicate these when it is distilled down to words on a screen?  Some might argue (for lack of a better word) that this is precisely why you must perfect the very specific language of your discussion.  I would say that perhaps these variables are exactly why that is NOT possible.  We all have filters through which we write and read.  We may think that we are capable of removing those filters.  I would suggest that we are perhaps capable of being aware of some of these filters, but not capable of removing them entirely, and certainly NOT capable of predicting what filters another may be using, or how they will be applying them.  So for me, it is not about the perfectly worded argument…but the participation and throwing around ideas and perspectives.  It is about the act of the argument/dialogue, not necessarily JUST the dialogue itself.  Otherwise the dialogue becomes so exclusionary that, even if you have a group with opposing viewpoints, certain segments of society that might have something valuable to contribute are weeded out of the group.  When and where does a philosophical argument intersect with real/daily life?  Must we exclude them from each other in order to make a perfect point?  We all want to figure these things out, or at least wrestle with intellectual ideas, but we all also have to wash our underwear.  And then where does the quirkiness of life find room?  And who are we perhaps leaving out of a discussion that may actually have a few answers?  Do we have to have a very specific level of education, and vocabulary, in order to be heard during a discussion?   If that is the case then there may be a huge population of human beings left on the side of the road, while we are busy “figuring things out for them.”  Personally I am not comfortable with that.  I don’t know all the answers but this is just something that has been on my mind. For what it is worth.

Posted in Meditation, Ramblings & Observations