sometimesihatemycat

Welcome…

…to my world of essays, poetry, and ramblings…

So many things about my previous “welcome” have been bothering me.  How grandiose and arrogant it sounded.  Rather than present this as an invitation that assumes what YOU might be interested in.  I think perhaps it is better to state what it is that I am interested in.  I am interested in my own human experience. I am tired of normal niceties at the expense of my own honesty. I want a place where I can be real and honest about my daily vacillations. I want a place to explore what it means for me to be human, and struggling, and changing.  I also want a place that I can be free to write and think and basically just be myself…and not have to really give a shit about judgment.  I am creating a place for myself to experiment and explore, with the hopes of letting go of expectations.  All of this hopefully to serve really learning to enjoy being human with its joys and its messes.  I am tired of being told to embrace the joy and ignore the messes.  I want to really learn to live with all of it, really live!  I would love it if compassion could naturally arise out of these things, but I don’t want to give up my passion at the same time.  Living, changing, struggling, passion, compassion…That is what I am interested in.  If you are interested…then “welcome.”

(Previous B.S. –Where honest observations and a common human experience are the rule rather than the exception.  Are you tired of normal niceties?  Are you even slightly interested in radical honesty?  Do you wish there was a place to be real, a place where you can see your own daily struggles without judgment, a place where humanity trumps trying to make everyone comfortable, and because of that we all feel a little more connected and a little more compassion?  A tall order indeed, but well worth a try.)   

Continue to Enter at your own risk…

Posted in Ramblings & Observations

…that I hate my cat(s).  I have made a command decision this morning that, after my cats’ natural demise, I will no longer make a conscious decision to care for another pet that involves permanently taking care of their bodily functions in the house.  Potty training, be it dogs or children, is one thing…a permanent toilet emptied by me is another! Unfortunately cats live a long time.  I find myself daydreaming of the day that I can finally throw out all of the “cat supplies.” I daydream about this every time I am cleaning up after them.  One would think that having 3 litter boxes for 2 cats would be enough.  Apparently not for my cats.  Grrrrrr…..

I am fully aware that I will probably feel guilty about these thoughts once they are no longer with us. However, I am not sure if that type of guilt is natural or is something we do to ourselves.  Why should I feel guilty for having human emotions?  I am tired of society trying to divorce us from our human form.  Nearly every religion starts by trying to convince us that we are not enough the way we are.  We are either too much of one thing (sin) or not enough of another (compassion/equanimity).  What if trying to be more than human is a lost cause?  What if it is a waste of time?  What if we look back and wish we had spent more time fully present to whatever was happening, for better or worse.  Sometimes I think the whole idea of Heaven and an afterlife(lives) gets us “off the hook.”  We don’t really have to embrace who we are, or live in the present gritty world, if there is something better later right?  Why do we need something better?  What if we looked around and engaged with the world as it is?  I wonder…

Either way…today I hate my cat, and today I don’t feel guilty about it.

Posted in Ramblings & Observations